We tend to treat only dating people you have oppressive power over as creepy, right?
A cis person who only dates trans people is probably a chaser.
An abled person who only dates disabled people is a creep and probably a fetishist
A thin person who dates only fat people and excludes other thin people as potential partners is creepy and probably has a fetish.
A white person who doesn’t date other white people but dates people of color is also a creep and is probably acting on a fetish.
Why, then, do we act like a man who exclusively seeks women as partners to the exclusion of other men is acting on an immutable preference? Why does he get the benefit of the doubt that he is not acting on a fetishized belief of what women are? Why is having a strong preference for partners down this specific power dynamic considered natural and beyond challenge?
Why is the word for this kind of man “heterosexual” or “straight” and not “creepy dude who only dates women”?
Okay, I’m going to elaborate on what this post actually means for the cheap seats who appear to be unable to gather its actual meaning.
First of all, this post works from the (true) assumption that people who choose to only date and/or get sex from people they have institutional and social power over are creepy and looking to find partners whom they can control and abuse.
Second of all, this post works from the other true assumption that chasers and fetishizers are not actually attracted to individual oppressed people. They are attracted to both the stereotypical ideas in their head as to what these oppressed people are like and to the degree that they are socially sanctioned in abusing the oppressed people.
(trigger warning below for descriptions of what goes through fetishizer’s heads when they fetishize Latin@s)
White people who exclusively date, flirt with, and hook up with Latin@s are not really attracted to each individual Latin@. They are attracted to the bizarre ideas about us; they like our big dicks and tight pussies and big boobs and long hair and our ‘spiciness’ and our insatiable sexual appetite and our desperation for their white hands and white genitals and white bodies and our inability to speak English and our willingness to be their mail-order brides and our aggressive nature and our exotic nature and exotic features and how even being willing to fuck us makes them special and progressive and angelic and our toughness that means we can take whatever beatings they put out and can deepthroat and how we all know how to suck cock and how we all want a white person the most of all, don’t we, and how we are dependent on white generosity and kindness to have anything, to have food and jobs and how poor we are and how much we’d get on our knees for rent or citizenship and how once we marry them we can’t leave without being deported and how easy it is to hurt us because nobody cares if we’re being hurt and how unrapeable we are.
(end trigger warning)
So, essentially, this posts proceeds to ask if heterosexual-proclaimed men are actually just attracted to women or to stereotypical ideas about what women are and to the degree that men have power over women and gain power by having sex with and being in romantic relationships with women.
In other words, the post asks why these men choose to only get sex and romance from people whom they could get away with raping, and if these men like women or if these men like dehumanized ideas of women.
The post does not say that it is impossible for a straight man to not be an abuser and/or rapist. It asks if it is possible that a man calls himself straight because he would like the opportunity to one day, if he chooses, rape and abuse his partners.
Reblogging this again because there is so much male whining in the notes on this post right now. It’s really a thing of beauty.
It’s kind of hilarious to me how straight people are reacting to this line of questioning.
Straight men are both getting far too personally hurt and panicking, saying things like “it’s evolutionary imperative / you need us to repopulate the earth” when, dude, no.
Straight women seem to think that you see male and female heterosexuality as being the same thing, operating on the same power dynamics, and having the same motivations, consequences, rewards, and risks, which no.
Like..these straight people are reacting with anger and horror because someone finally straight-up said that maybe their sexuality isn’t ~natural~ or ~logical~ or ~100% pure genetics~ or ~only because of the evolutionary imperative~. In other words, gay people get told that our sexualities are straight-up evil and we keep going with our lives, and these straight people being asked to question the root of their sexuality and they are subsequently losing their shit.